If its one thing I've learned in the course of 'adapting' to poly its that everything that happens is not in my hands. Life's never all smooth sailing. However thanks to Pew things are kinda different now i guess. I'm not that he literally did something about my situation but what he said struck a nerve in me and i daresay i now look at life from a different point of view. Of course words alone don't do much, You have to really commit whatever you do and go through to God. Prayer plus quite abit of faith can work wonders. You just try if you don't believe me. Oh and of course knowing that someone is always keeping you in their prayers really helps too.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 11:05 PM | 0 Comments |




Many thoughts going through my mind right now. In fact on the bus ride home my mind was surprisingly filled with thoughts. Maybe its the long bus ride, or maybe just that taking 53 brings back certain memories. I don't know anymore sometimes, its like you know its the right thing to do but its hard emotionally and mentally to come to terms with it. I feel things should not have turned out the way they did or maybe i just resist change too much.


BIO/BMS is starting to get to me, had like lectures the whole day today and the weirdest thing is that i understood the Bio parts but the chem parts are like so hard to grapple (maybe i really hate change so i pick up new things but i can't change the way i do old stuff). RARR. Busy time table and I'm still considering joining a CCA. sigh. Hope i survive SEM 1 without too much ill effects. Oh and must say, mass lectures are super screwed i tell you especially if you get the 'telecasts' Lecture theaters, You can't exactly see the lecturer and the sound just well, i don't want to go into it. Someone please tell me how all the seniors survived. Imagine 3-4 lecture theaters having the same lecture at once. THE HORROR.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 5:29 PM | 1 Comments |




You would think that almost a week since i got my lappie i would have done quite alot of 'overhauling'. WELL. think again. my laptop is still as good as new, seeing how i managed to install like 2 different OS-es like countless times and the best part is it still won't work. Talk about irony of ironies. BAH. :(

Anyways, still adapting to poly and stuff and thankfully for the first week(although already started a week late) i have no lab work and tutorials. But before you come to conclusion that I'm in a slack course well, beginning next week I'm going to have 34 hour lessons in total for a week. YES the horror. I have no idea whatsoever how I'm going to do it. I mean TRACkers was one thing. This is like totally worst. God give me strength please.

I'm also beginning to feel the after effects of not hanging with my 'old' friends. i kinda miss them actually and all the incredulous times we spent doing nonsensical stuff. GM PEEPS if you read, know this, I will never forget you guys. =)

On the other hand there's also this special group that i spent 2 months with. My fellow brothers and sisters from TRACKers. =)) Though it was only 2 months it was great coming together to bond with you all and i miss the times we spent together at BMC. ( i know i didn't exactly get to know all of you but the few and to especially one i bonded with i can say made a certain impact in my life) If i could turn back time i would DEFINITELY go for TRACkers again.

On with life i guess. Old times were great but sometimes we just can't go back anymore even if we really really want to.



| Answers to the name Joshua - 9:47 PM | 0 Comments |






| Answers to the name Joshua - 12:50 AM | 0 Comments |




You just wait i tell you till you get judged in heaven.

I could spend the entire entry flaming but i know doing that would deprive God of giving you what you deserve. So as hard as it is, i'll forgive you for all you said and done thus far.

God bless you.

And to prevent another misunderstanding, i must say i only refer to Building Research Engineering in the fine print.


| Answers to the name Joshua - 11:14 PM | 0 Comments |




So today was the last day of orientation, initially had a little issue about it but I'm happy i managed to resolve it. Plus of course last night i managed to get things clear on a matter that was burdening me so i pretty much started today in a jovial mood.

So Orientation, well i spent about half the day listening and watching a small skit in the TCC. After which we had lunch and then proceede for the final showdown of schools at regatha(if its spelt like that). Suffice to say i as like many Applied Science students was only given the task of cheering (which we put our best into it) so it was pretty alright. Only thing, Cramped conditions on a hot and humid day is a big no no and should not repeated if possible.

But the best part is AS WON. We managed to get first for telematch and also Best cheer(SEE) Of course like business took best for Dragon boating and best in total, but we're all rather pleased seeing how we were like one of the smallest schools but yet we won stuff. If u want to get a better idea its pretty much we're like 1/3 the size of business or engineering? The two giants of the school.

So pretty good day, in summary and my life seems to be going better so i think i need to go spend some time with the one who made it possible. =)

| Answers to the name Joshua - 9:36 PM | 0 Comments |






| Answers to the name Joshua - 12:05 PM | 0 Comments |




I finally know why i'm so bothered.
Social phobia is an intense fear of becoming humiliated in social situations, specifically of embarrassing yourself in front of other people. It often runs in families and may be accompanied by depression or alcoholism. Social phobia often begins around early adolescence or even younger."

If you suffer from social phobia, you tend to think that other people are very competent in public and that you are not. Small mistakes you make may seem to you much more exaggerated than they really are. Blushing itself may seem painfully embarrassing, and you feel as though all eyes are focused on you. You may be afraid of being with people other than those closest to you. Or your fear may be more specific, such as feeling anxious about giving a speech, talking to a boss or other authority figure, or dating. The most common social phobia is a fear of public speaking. Sometimes social phobia involves a general fear of social situations such as parties. More rarely it may involve a fear of using a public restroom, eating out, talking on the phone, or writing in the presence of other people, such as when signing a check.

Although this disorder is often thought of as shyness, the two are not the same. Shy people can be very uneasy around others, but they don't experience the extreme anxiety in anticipating a social situation, and they don't necessarily avoid circumstances that make them feel self-conscious. In contrast, people with social phobia aren't necessarily shy at all. They can be completely at ease with people most of the time, but particular situations, such as walking down an aisle in public or making a speech, can give them intense anxiety. Social phobia disrupts normal life, interfering with career or social relationships. For example, a worker can turn down a job promotion because he can't give public presentations. The dread of a social event can begin weeks in advance, and symptoms can be quite debilitating.

People with social phobia are aware that their feelings are irrational. Still, they experience a great deal of dread before facing the feared situation, and they may go out of their way to avoid it. Even if they manage to confront what they fear, they usually feel very anxious beforehand and are intensely uncomfortable throughout. Afterwards, the unpleasant feelings may linger, as they worry about how they may have been judged or what others may have thought or observed about them.

Specific Symptoms of this Disorder:
A marked and persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms) that will be humiliating or embarrassing.
Note: In children, there must be evidence of the capacity for age-appropriate social relationships with familiar people and the anxiety must occur in peer settings, not just in interactions with adults.

Exposure to the feared social situation almost invariably provokes anxiety, which may take the form of a situationally bound or situationally predisposed Panic Attack.
Note: In children, the anxiety may be expressed by crying, tantrums, freezing, or shrinking from social situations with unfamiliar people.

The person recognizes that the fear is excessive or unreasonable.
Note: In children, this feature may be absent.

The feared social or performance situations are avoided or else are endured with intense anxiety or distress.

The avoidance, anxious anticipation, or distress in the feared social or performance situation(s) interferes significantly with the person's normal routine, occupational (academic) functioning, or social activities or relationships, or there is marked distress about having the phobia.

(/editted at 6:28PM) I Stand corrected. Pastor could be right afterall.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 11:50 PM | 0 Comments |




I need my Good friends who have stuck by me thus far
I need all my Christian friends to pray for me
I need God most of all

Psychlogical trauma
I'm breaking down and losing it.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 9:46 PM | 0 Comments |






| Answers to the name Joshua - 10:36 PM | 0 Comments |






| Answers to the name Joshua - 9:05 PM | 0 Comments |






| Answers to the name Joshua - 10:44 PM | 0 Comments |




So today was one of those days i actually woke up earlier. I say 1030 is early because if u try sleeping at or past 3 am you'ld realise that you actually have to sleep to 12 to get 9 hours of sleep and for me being the cannot do without my sleep kind, well its a surprise i didn't go back to sleep after lunch. Maybe i should give credit to the friend who i happened to be talking to online and thus didn't feel like sleeping. =)

So anyway i realised to my dismay that my already cranky phone is really getting worst. Looks like i have no choice but to send it in on Monday so that can fix it. RARRR. Its annoying how these problems surface so quickly once u're near the 1 year old mark. Note to self: maybe its time to stick to nokia considering how many more service centres they have and thus as a result faster service. But then again phones these days are just so not very nice anymore so i think i'll just use my phone till it dies and i have no choice.

Ironically the laptop i want is not here yet as well. Its been like a month since they said it would arrive in a month and I'm not very pleased about it. But its a great value for what I'm paying so i won't make Too Much noise for now anyway. HEH. Technology is against me these days..


Not my will but Thine
Father forgive them they know not what they do.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 2:46 PM | 0 Comments |





Ignore the caption, this blog is not going anywhere for the time being at least. Just needed to grab some attention. And since you never know who reads blogs these days I'm not about to say what i initially thought of saying because I'm not about the start a riot.

Anyway I've been pretty much trying to use up my time wisely and suffice to say i actually really know how to kill time. Imagine that.! In the blink of an eye the day passes before me and before i know it about a month has flown bye. Most people i know would have found a job and in some cases even got some what richer but i refused to do so. You know why? not that my family has some hidden fortune so much so that i don't need money but more Why work? After all money is just a material possession and some may or may not agree that unless you find something worth doing and your passionate about then why force yourself to do it. (The above is just a PERSONAL opinion at no offence to anyone)

Well Poly's going to start soon and I'm rather excited. Not so much on the waking up and dragging myself to school everyday but more that I'm going to be doing something i enjoy doing at least.

Life's short, You should spend it doing things you enjoy doing at least.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 8:52 PM | 0 Comments |




So went for a class gathering yesterday, Funny thing was that it wasn't even my class's gathering but i guess i was close enough to all of them so got invited anyway.
Few things i learnt. Firstly learnt that there is area called Marina Way where people enjoy flying kites and there are like super many steamboat/BBQ places around. Secondly, i realised I'm still not the greatest fan of BBQ. Just imagining the oil is bad enough to make me feel sick add smoke and insufficient ventilation and u can just get the idea. Suffice to say i didn't have much even though it was a buffet but the food wasn't all entirely too great. Wasn't just me of course, my friend too agreed that he would never go back to that particular stall. Lastly i have a group or very indecisive friends who fail to plan ahead. i mean i hate to say this but we spent alot of time just standing around at different spots just doing nothing. But i must say catching up with some like deh was great. '

There's also something i've been thinking about recently and that is
'What is Love?' I mean in this world where everyone normally only cares about themselves does love actually exist? But more importantly does anyone actually know what is Love? For this i shall actually get the blogger comment thing going. Please let me know your views there instead of flooding my Tag board.

| Answers to the name Joshua - 10:39 PM | 0 Comments |